Awhile back I wrote about how people tend to not really treat you all that different when you're a "survivor". I re-read the post and realized that I sounded pretty angry and felt some sort of entitlement to be treated differently; like I shouldn't have to put up with the same shit that everyone else does. Sort of like, god damnit be more careful of my feelings!

I've thought about it, and I guess that if everyone was hyper aware that I had been sick, and dealing with all this stuff, then I'd hate that too. I'd hate to be treated differently at all. What I was getting at is that probably what we all deserve is to treat each other better. I don't think you have to be sick or have a traumatic event or anything, I think that in each and every way possible, we need to make a concerted effort to be better human beings, for the sheer fact that if in some small way we can make someone, anyone's day better, we're reshifting this screwed up planet consumed by anger, money, power and violence. But on a day to day basis we forget occasionally forget to be kind or honest or thoughtful. We carve out days to do so, or hours, or events. I think I was just so frustrated with someone that day, I wanted the special treatment. But in general, nah, I don't want kit gloves just for being a survivor.

For instance, we were all at the bar the other night and my friend D notices something on my neck. He starts to go, wah uh, what's this. And I spun around, confused and was like, it's a scar. He freaks out, going, on my god, I thought it was a hickey. I start laughing, and said, no, no, it's not a hickey but do other people think that too? Hmmmm, that might not be helpful when I'm out and about. He finally relaxed and realized that I wasn't going to get upset or freak out or be like, you insensitive jerk it's a biopsy scar. Hey, maybe if I didn't like him I would, but in general, that's not my style. I don't like to make people feel bad for things that they didn't know.

There is no specific way to deal with a person being sick, or going through a family crisis or a traumatic event. The best way is to ask what they need and want from you. Explain that you're new at this, or that you want to be there for them, but they also need to express to you what that means. We as the patients shouldn't be expecting everyone to suddenly know what to do and read our minds. We're all different, we all handle things differently and if there was a great catch-all, as the magazine articles would like to suggest, then there would be no need for conversation at all. We could take their lines and use them in everyday life and be done with it. But life, illness, death, injury, war, anything is messy and painful but we owe it to each other to start to talk about it, be honest about it, have real conversations about it. That's always my theme--just be honest. On all ends. Walking around on eggshells is how we distance ourselves and makes for miscommunication and anger.