Since I basically am recapping my entire eight months with cancer, but things that are relevant are happening now, this is my break from the past and to talk about tomorrow. I am getting my port out. I am really excited about this. People told me to keep it in for months, maybe even years, because “just in case”. And for a while, I thought this was a good idea. But then it occurred to me. Why would I keep it in “just in case”? Just in case what? I got cancer again? Because that could never happen. And I’m putting all my eggs in one basket and saying it’s not. And then if I keep it in, I’m allowing for the notion that it could be a reality again. Well, in my eyes anyway. And I just don’t want to do that. I don’t want to let it be something hanging over my head. I don’t want to have to go to the hospital every six weeks to have it flushed for the next X amount of years. I don’t want to have to worry about bathing suits or dresses or shirts that show off this bump under my skin. I don’t want the last remnants of me being sick to be something I carry around with me for awhile under the assumption that I am going to get cancer again. I’m prepared for that event should it come darkening my doorstep, and if I do relapse it’s going to be a whole new set of issues anyway. So for now, I’m taking the damn thing out and that’s that. Apparently it’s supposed to be a ten minute ambulatory surgery, but I have to go into the dreaded operating room, get put under, wear that stupid plastic cap and do all the other things that go along with getting surgery. And universe-willing, it’s going to be the last time I go through this rigmarole for quite some time. Even though it’s a short surgery it doesn’t make it any less scary for me. It’s the same way that I feel whenever I get in a car now. Even though I’ll probably make it there and back in one piece, I’m hyper-aware of all the things that could go wrong: someone could swerve into our lane; someone could be yammering on a cell phone and not paying attention; someone could go too fast; and a myriad of other things. I watch the way people drive and I’m always afraid that if I could get cancer at 24, the chances are good that one of these idiots cutting in and out of traffic could sideswipe me. It’s a horrible way to be. I also have had to stop watching Law & Order because I’m always freaked out about that show. But I digress. I’m also scheduled for 8:30 in the morning. Which means I have to be there at 7:00. Which also means that I'll have less time to stress by the time I get to bed and the time I get surgery done. Which is definately good for someone like me. Crossing fingers and hoping for the best. The remnants of me being sick will be gone!