Thursday, December 23, 2004
So there is a unique lesson that I've learned over the past couple weeks. No one really cares that you were sick. No, no, I need to amend that. That's not a fair statement. Some people simply do not care; not in an evil way, that's not what I mean. They do not care that you've been through hell and that you simply deserve better than what they can give you. Do I sound bitter? Sorry, it's just that for some reason I'll be honest--I thought that being a "survivor" kind of gave me the status of: you know she's been through enough, I really don't want to screw with that. But at the end of the day, well, we're all only human. And any time you put yourself out there--in any regard work, friends, romantically--you're still going to be on the same playing field as everyone else. Just because you have a port scar, doesn't mean that you can't get hurt. I honestly think that at 25 I've been through enough. I've buried two best friends, saw the Twin Towers collapse and had to walk through the rubble, and got through my own serious illness. I just want it not to be so hard. I don't need anymore life experience.
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Hi!
I was surprised to read this post from you. I always thought that yes, people like you, survivors, had a certain status; I mean, what you go through is real, and I've always thought that you have something I can't have. But I guess it takes all kinds.
I've always wanted to ask this, but never had the nerve. I don't know how to act around people who are seriously ill or who have handicaps. I either baby them (which ticks some off) or try to pretend it's normal, treat the person as I normally do which ticks others off). The first approach I used on a student of mine who had lost her right leg due to a stray bullet fired during New Year's Eve (a horrible phenomena in my country). She hated it; she asked me politely to leave her alone and let her cope. "Don't single me out," was what she said. The second approach I used on a friend with cancer, and she later asked me, "Don't you even care? Here you are sending me jokes, and inviting me to lunch, and it's like you're ignoring the fact that I may die soon." Sigh.
I try to adapt to the person, but it's difficult; half of me wants desperately to console the person, to tell them it will be OK, to show that I *do* care, but the other half says, they don't need reminding of their condition and I should help them live life normally. Would it be OK to ask you your views on this? I remember your post about a family gathering or a party a few months back, and you wrote about how you noticed that people who know of your condition have two ways to deal with you, and that sort of gave me some insight (which is why I like reading your journal; you show me things I never thought about before).
Thanks, and if this is/was an intrusive question, please accept my apologies. I hope you have a great year ahead! ^_^
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